Doug sent me this. These are copyrighted I'm sure. Doug, tell us where you got them

(On the left, the one caveman asks another "Are there any other Cowboy fans?")

Man, so many hilarious things happened this weekend. We went down to my parents' house in Lewes, DE, went golfing once, and went to the beach the rest of the time that any of us had any energy.

First story. The $0.75 Kite. Pat, who sometimes seems to be younger than my niece, and we forget that he's 24, saw this kite in "Happy Harry's Discount Drugs" on Route 9 in Lewes, and had to have it. Beaner, my real youngest brother, almost 19, got a two stringed kite, built to last, maneuverable, for a suggested retail price probably four times higher than Pat's plastic flap shaped as an eagle, two wooden bars, and some string, thrown together to form something that might resemble something that at one time had flown. However, he built this thing, and got it flying in a few seconds. Beaner, on the other hand, had a tough time getting his "expensive" kite built, and could only hold it up in the air for a few seconds before it came careening to the earth each time. Beaner gave up soon. Pat, however, was having a blast. A knot had formed, Pat just cut around it and retied the strings together. It was not worth the time he could be spending flying the thing. I was pitching a wiffle ball to different people so I got a good view. Pat was now over by our truck on the beach, and we were using the grooves in the sand from all the vehicles traveling up and down the beach as our pitching lane and home plate. There was another truck coming. The kite was high, but it started coming down. This was the beauty of it. The truck and the kite met, perfectly, so that the string of the kite got caught under an opening in between where the roof rack mounts to the roof. Perfect. Pat started yelling, I almost fell over laughing, then Pat just gave up, let go of the string, and so ended his $0.75 investment. Everyone soon came up from their seats and joined in the laughter and watched this truck drive a half of a mile down the beach with a kite flying behind it. This thing had some slack. It had about 15 feet of string from the roof rack, so it kept flying in circles, crashing into other trucks on the beach, taking out little kids, and everything else you think might be funny. It was a great time.

There were a TON more laugh out loud times. But, I'll tell you a story of choking. Athletic disappointment. No, I'm not talking about the Phillies right now.

We all went golfing, 5 of us. Dad, Jeff, Pat, Brendan (Beaner) and me. We were short 2 brothers, but I surely wouldn't be able to tell this story if Steve came, he would have whooped all of our asses. We play 9 holes of this par 3 course. Bean plays in his sandals, and takes them off to hit. First hole for me, just on the fringe, 15 feet to go. Sink the putt. Beautiful. The day went mostly like this for me. Nice chips when I had to, not too awful putting. I was in the lead the whole round. I had 3 or 4 bogies, a birdie, and the rest pars. Ninth hole. They're all like "choke!!" and "noonan!!". I hit a nice shot again, short though, but right at it. My lie sucked. In the dirt, practically. I had a short chip, I tried to get it up, but picked my head up. I had no idea how many strokes lead I had, but I was now on the other side of the green. I said "F@%@#$!@# that, I'm putting". Nice putt, short, but I had a long way to go. Had to make the next putt, I now know, but didn't then. Hit it, lipped it, ended up 2 inches from the cup. Double bogie. My first 5 of the day. Dad taps in for par, I lose by a stroke! SOB!!

Woohoo!! No Monday this week!

Fridays always sneak up on me now. Before, at other jobs, it would always seem like months had passed before you would get a few days off. Now, it's like HOURS. It's wonderous.

So, to kick off the weekend, here is a list of some funny things and some trying to be funny things:

40% of the internet population would refer to this website as a "blog". I don't care what you call it, I don't call it a "blog". Here is a comment I made on this topic earlier today:

"We have to come up with a better term than that."

Amen. As if not being considered anywhere even close to cool wasn't enough, now I have to contribute to something that 40% (+) of the internet population classifies as a "blog". Wonderful.

One popped in my head: "Vulcan"... That planet!! In Star Trek! ;-) Honestly, having never watched Star Trek, I still think that's better than "blog". My girlfriend from a few years ago was the first person to use the term "blog". When she got sick after drinking a lot, that's the sound she made.

Another one popped in my head: "Iceman". This would create better situations at the bar.

Me (to girl at bar): I write an iceman.
Girl: Awesome! Like Val Kilmer?!!? Here's my number.

And there you have it.

Next. I don't think Terrell Owens will be an Eagle this year. He might play a game or two, but Andy Reid will get sick of his B.S. and trade him.

Next. I play video games. Last night I played Battlefield 2 on my newly rebuilt computer. It was neat. On one map, I climbed to a roof behind the other team's base, and picked off like 9 guys before running out of ammo, jumping off the roof, parachuting down (you always have a parachute on you), and reloading all of my ammo, only to be killed by an artillery strike. I laughed at that one though. It was like I had just reloaded all of my ammo from a supply crate that dropped from the sky, and thought "Alright, time to go kick some more ass!"... The first artillery shell is what got me. I had no idea it was coming! At one point, before refilling my ammo, I was shooting 100 yard shots with my pistol! I only got a kill or two with that thing.

Next. Linux and the mug still hasn't arrived.

Damn, I know I had more. Here, let me check the newspaper...

Hmm. First headline : "T.O.'s tirades could signal trade envy." Nope, already commented on that one. Second headline: "Owens heads to Atlanta." Nope, I've said everything I can about that one. Third... "Owens errs in telling his Super Bowl story." Nope, can't think of anything to add to that one. Man, the media has to stop writing about T.O.... honestly. Shut UP!! Hehe, get it. Like T.O. and Andy Reid said to each other?! Read the paper, you're bound to find an article or two-ZILLION about it. Cripes.

More video game news. Yesterday, I also bought "Fantastic 4" for the PS2, so Jeff and I or Bean and Jeff or Bean and I or whatever, can whoop some ass together. It's fun.

Don't trust Microsoft's benchmark tests. Here is a security comparison between Windows Server 2003 with SQL Server 2000 vs. Red Hat Enterprise Linux 3 with MySQL. Seems like a fair test? Well, download the PDF. Nowhere does it mention that the current version of MySQL (even at the time of the test) and the version of MySQL that is used in the test differ in version number by 1 MAJOR VERSION!! How big is the difference of 1 Major Version? Well, SQL Server 2000 is actually SQL Server Version 8.0. SQL Server 2000 was actually released on January 19th, 2001. SQL Server 7 was released in late 1998 or early 1999, I'm not sure. I couldn't find it. So, that's a difference of at LEAST 2 years. Plus, Red Hat recently released Enterprise Linux 4.0, so maybe Microsoft should do another security test? This goes for most of their tests. And you can't blame them for fixing the results, but you can blame them for writing inferior software :)

Next. Thinking back on a certain state's decision to elect a certain Hollywood action star as its Governer, I began to realize the obvious good and bad in that. A good thing is no stupid Arnold S. movies have been released in a while! A bad thing, Hollywood had to find a replacement, so there are still stupid movies, but without Arnold's style of awful acting.

Next. I'm starting to hate Rounders. If you watch it too much, you'll just find Matt Damon to be another awful actor. It's funny, that movie also stars John Malkovich, one of the best actors. When I watch a movie, I want to watch it and say "That's Teddy KGB" not "That's John Malkovich". But every movie in which Matt Damon stars, he's always the same. Whatever happened to the great character actors, and why aren't they all famous, if they are still around. Another way to look at this quality in an actor is to watch a movie with an actor, and then watch another one with the same actor, and not see the previous character one bit in the new character. If they can't do that, I consider them a bad actor. No offense ;-)

Maybe I'll have more, if you're lucky.

Jeff told me this as I got in yesterday. There was agony and pain running through my body. Marc Jackson made the Sixers the most entertaining team in all of the NBA last year, and I am proud to say I watched nearly every game. But let's look at the overall formula of last year's Sixers.

Allen Iverson is the best player ever. I've said this before in the beginning weeks of this, the revised version of my website. The way he slips between defenders, or shakes a defender off by faking a move to the basket then just draining a fade-away jumper. He makes the most incredible drives to the basket, turns on a dime, and finishes with the most unbelievable shot you'll ever see, then does it again the next possession.

Andre Iguodala can slam with the best of them. I covered him way back when also. Towards the middle of the season, all the way to the end, the CN8 announcer (Marc Zumoff?) would get giddy like a school girl when "the other AI" got the ball and half of a court all to himself. He'd say stuff like "HERE WE GOOOOOO!!!!!!" and "WATCH THIS!!!!" That announcer is another part to the excitement of the team. He does a great job.

Kyle Korver, of "K squared = 3" fame. He would get a pass and before you knew it, it was down from 3 point land. Many games were won because of a shot from Korver in the very late stages of the game. Allen referred to him as "Sniper". Also, his defensive abilities, his hustling, like diving all over the place, sacrificing the body for the team, just a very exciting player to watch.

Samuel Dalembert was the big man. Blocking shots, hammering down slams, dribbling sometimes like a little man. He's gonna be great this year.

Then there's Marc Jackson. A solid player, not particularly great, but didn't make a lot of mistakes, had a heck of an 18 foot jumper, and a bigger heart than anyone. Jeff and I would literally laugh our asses off sometimes when watching Marc! He would get into a rebound battle under the basket, then you would hear Marc. He just screams. It helps him. He'd scream, jump a few times, then get the ball and put it back up and in. He always had a smile on his face except after he just slammed it home or put a rebound back in, then he looked like he was going to rip someone's arms off. My favorite was when he was guarding Shaq. Shaq did his normal, very illegal, using a smaller player as a launch pad routine. This time it happened to be Marc Jackson. Well, Jeff and I are watching, when all the sudden you hear, from the underbelly of Shaq, "HOLY SH%T!!!!". Like, really loud. I still laugh about it.

All of these things combined for the most exciting Sixers I've ever watched. It'll still be exciting this year, everyone listed above, with the exception of Marc, is coming back for this season, plus we have a new coach, Maurice Cheeks, and every player seems to like him more than Jim O'Brien, so that's a bonus.

So, goodbye Marc. Jeff and I will make it a point to catch some of your NJ Nets games next year.

You:

1) know the sport inside and out.
2) love the sport.
3) know the players and their numbers.
4) end up hating the team for at least a few minutes every game.
5) always boo your favorite player at least twice in a game.
6) always question management.
7) always question referees.
8) never root for your team, you demand of them.
9) hate every other team and their fans with a passion.
10) know how to handle a disappointing season.

Add on! Try not to be too sport specific, like "Every game you curse Ed Wade." I'm talking the all encompassing list. Some of mine might suck, so suggest changes too.

Roenick's the man. But we got Peter Forsberg (again). I wish Roenick the greatest success in the future, to a degree. I just don't want his team to beat our team in the Stanley Cup Playoffs. He's a class act and he's hilarious. And a good all around guy. You can read up more on the Flyers here, here, there's a piece here, here, here, a web search here and any other website in Philadelphia. It's big news.

The Philadelphia Flyers will be awesome next year. Judging by the fact that they have exclusive set of picks from this list, and that the Phantoms pretty much kicked everyone's ass up and down the ice last season, winning the Calder Cup in 4 games of a 7 game series. You may find me watching every Flyers game come October.

I can't get angry at someone too quickly, and I also can't stay angry at anyone for too long, especially if that someone or something shows that they are improving their behavior with respect to what made me angry.

The Phillies have my respect for now. Hopefully for a long time but probably until the next series against the Marlins. They played the former National League Champions, and took two out of three games. They played the second best team in the American League this year and took 2 out of three. Through six games you see most of your team's pitchers, and with the way this management does lineups, you've seen about 6 out of an infinite list of permutations of lineups. The games they won weren't in the greatest fashion, or with the greatest pitching (arguably, perhaps, except for yesterday when Cory Lidle threw a 6 hit 2 run complete game with 99 pitches), or with the greatest fielding. But they did win. Bobby Abreu's hitting streak started over, however, David Bell is up to 9 me thinks.

For the meantime, the Phillies are off of my "DO NOT BET FOR" list, and even off of my "BET AGAINST" list. I don't see them making my "BET FOR" list until they start sweeping teams like the Marlins and the Braves. So you should not expect them to be etched onto that one. Maybe they'll surprise me.

Even Bobby Abreu couldn't win the game for the Phils tonight. Down 8-0 in the sixth, Bobby had a 3 run homer to make it 8-3. Chase Utley almost had a 2 run homer to make it 8-5, but there was fan interference, so it was a double. Bottom of the 9th inning, bases loaded, 2 outs, 8-4. Bobby steps up to the plate and strikes out on pretty much the nastiest curve balls I've ever witnessed. Nothing you could do about it. The key is to not let the other team score 8 runs so you don't have to hope for a miraculous comeback. One more loss closer to having the upper management fired :)

Another thought I had was that the Phillies fired Larry Bowa because they wanted someone who would be nicer to the players. You can get rid of the "mean" managers, but the fans aren't going to lighten up. Here in Philly, we are relentless. In an article today on Philly.com (Registration required), Mike Lieberthal (catcher) said he expects to be booed. Even the great homerun king Michael Jack Schmidt got booed in his day. We reward for great performances (ask anyone what they think of T.O. for catching 9 passes for 122 yards on a screw in the Super Bowl), and we definitely let you hear it if you screw up.

"The last couple of years it seemed like I was booed for bad performance," Lieberthal said with a laugh. "Now they just don't like me."

That's from the paper, credits to Jim Salisbury of the Philadelphia Inquirer.

We pay for this stuff and we haven't seen a championship since 1983 with Dr. J and the Sixers. Someone win something :)

I was at the game last night. It was a good time. Our department at work went. There were around 15 of us I think? I like gatherings like that at work. They make work more than work. Speaking of gatherings of employees, tonight I'm going to the Great American Pub in Conshohocken to visit with a bunch of people I used to work with. We'll be there from 9pm til it closes, meet me there!

Anyway, back to last night's Phillies game. It's fun to see all of the players, even though from where we were, you can't see where the pitches were landing. That's what I like to watch the most, the pitching. I like to see what pitchers do on certain counts, what batters do on certain counts, and of course I like to see home runs. Bobby Abreu had one. We couldn't see the right field wall that well so that's where he hit it obviously. He's had 5 games in a row now that he's homered. That's the story of the Phils, always one person does well, the others take turns being in a slump...

I can't speak for the rest of Phillies fans out there, but I've started cheering against the Phillies sometimes. Actually, it's not completely cheering against them, but I'll be cheering for both teams. Every time the Phillies lose we are one loss closer to getting certain upper management fired, whose name sounds like something you do in water when you're not quite swimming to keep your head above it and not drown. That's all I have to say about that... It's midnight, I'm beat.

[The Next Morning] Ok, more on the Phillies. I'm glad that David Bell got so pissed and threw his bat, threw his helmet, got kicked out of the game, kicked his helmet, and later got dragged off the field kicking and screaming :) Well, everything happened but the last part. It's good to see emotion though. It gets people on the team fired up. It would be better harnessed in a way that doesn't get you kicked out of the game though. Our pitchers are awful for the most part. Adams walked the bases loaded then got pulled. Way to do your job, dude. It's the sentiment going around town. Registration required.

However, they played a hell of a series against Detroit. Allen Iverson is the best player ever, I'm convinced. He limped badly off the court last night, and in 30 seconds, after having his ankle taped up pretty well, was back on the court playing the same as he would without a twisted ankle. If he doesn't get inducted into the hall of fame the millisecond he announces retirement (whenever that is), it's a crime. No one plays like him. You can't be 6'1" and excel in the NBA unless you do play like him. That's why he's fun to watch. I'm looking forward to next year.

Brutal. The Sixers are losing big time to a team they should be losing to, but it just sucks, they made it to the playoffs when, about 20 games ago, it didn't seem likely at all. They're still fun to watch so I'll happily watch them lose.

I was visiting the Sixers' site today, and found out that they have a vote for Andre Iguodala's top 10 slam dunks. I don't know if you've seen this guy play, but he is exciting. The Sixers drafted him in the first round this previous draft. He's made the all rookie team because he's just a great all around player... a great all around player who throws it down like there's no tomorrow. I've seen most of his dunks, these 10 choices are good, but he's had better. Boy that kid can dunk. Check out the video over here.

That's right, even with Webber, the Sixers made the playoffs. Special thanks to the supreme efforts from such players like Andre Iguodala, Allen Iverson, Mark Jackson, Sammy Dalembert, and of course Kyle Korver. Visit the Sixers website here. They will be playing the Pistons in the first round. I've seen worse odds overcome.

Also, the Phillies look pretty good this year despite Vicente Padilla giving up 6 homers in 3 innings the other night. The other pitchers look good, like Randy Wolf and Brett Myers. Pat Burrell got of to a blazing start. It should be a fun year.