I was trying to avoid posting today for some reason, but there's an interesting email going around between friends.

Starts off :

If anyone is looking for a position, contract I am pretty sure, at [company name removed] let me know. Description is below.
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I'm looking for mid to senior level developer. Should have good experience with Visual Basic (.net would be good), access, excel, VBA. Would be good if they could use reporting tools as a user ( cognos, BO,Crystal). The person should be able to think out of the box and be self directed for the most part. Will probably get some guidance, but should definitely be able to work on there own.

That was a few days ago, and today's Friday, so I reply with no interest to the job...

There are a few openings at the local bar... they're looking to fill part time positions tonight, must have at least 4 years experience in drinking beer and dancing. Thugs & criminals need not apply. You should be able to drink out of the box and be self directed as much as possible the whole night, but if you need people to walk you out, that's fine too.

Then others chime in:

I heard about that opening. But it's only temporary, so there's not much security there. Also, I heard that they were looking for 4 years minimum, but the role is of a Senior Drinking Analyst and they'd prefer at least 6 years of experience. They expect any candidates to be self-starters and "hit the ground drinking."

and more

I think they also require a Bachelor's Degree in Alcohol Engineering or Alcholic Science, or equivalent experience. They need me more than I need them.

I'll add more as the clever responses come in :)