I used to have a quotes section on my old website where I could just put in hysterical stuff that I said. This would make an immediate addition:

"Friday's coming like there's no tomorrow."

Oh man, I kill me.

(It has to be said on a Thursday. And if you're not familiar with the "like there's no tomorrow" saying, it's similar to these other ones:

That dude downs those hamburgers like it's his job!
That girl slam dunks like nobody's business!

These are just clever alternatives to these:

That dude downs those hamburgers!
That girl slam dunks!

As you can see, saying something with more words in it is funnier.)

Some of the quotes I had on there were really stupid, but my comedic abilities have obviously grown significantly. I can now think of dumb random s@#%@ in no time flat, and it'll usually be pretty funny to me. And because you visit my site, you would have to endure it, suckers. I'll add that as a to do item.