Beaner and I were joking around tonight, thinking "What if Kodie thought we were stupid?" We call her stupid all the time. A little background info here : Kodie's a dog. Her full name is Kodiak Shadow Von Bosh. Jeff couldn't just slap "Connell" on the end of that, but he did give her the names "Kodiak Shadow" which is cool. But don't let that fool you, she's still stupid.

Anyway, I've been listening to Mitch Hedberg a LOT lately, and I love his style of comedy, rest his soul... So Beaner and I came up with Mitch style jokes to cover Kodie's normal routines that we call stupid, but then I came up with a bunch more:

• I chase, and bark at, my tail to display my superior intelligence.
• Whenever the doorbell rings on the television, I always bark at our front door, yet you guys never answer it. You guys are so stupid. You guys always yell at me that we don't even have a doorbell, yet I can hear it plain as day.
• I will run to indefinite confinement for a treat, because treats are better than being in a cage all day.
• I always lock myself in Jason's room, but only because there's a lot of neat stuff in there
• I get really excited when Jason says "Kodie, wanna watch the Phillies?!!" in a really excited way. I love the Phillies and know exactly what he means.
• Whenever someone knocks, they are never welcome in our house, I'll make sure of it.
• I frequently stumble up the stairs because their builders were racist against cute little dogs like me. It's not because I'm overly excited and just don't watch where I'm going. You guys have no right to laugh and call me stupid.
• I bark at dogs out front that can't hear me.
• There is never reason to doubt that I will get a piece of that delicious looking sirloin sitting on your plate.
• If you don't pet me, you're scum and I will bite you and bark at you until you resume petting. B#@%@#!!
• I like sitting by the door, acting like I have to go to the bathroom, then when you guys open the door to let me out, I still sit there. You guys fall for it every time.